Dear Wendy:
I have been divorced for 2 years and am finding it really frustrating to get back into the dating world. Are there no decent, intelligent and honest men out there in New Zealand? I have a great job, keep myself fit, am intelligent and am considered attractive. I worked on myself and am pretty clear on what I looking for in my next partner. Am I just to late to get back into the dating world? Am I being too particular? I am not finding anyone who I would even consider for a second date!
Regards,
Still Passionate at 47!
Hi, Katherine:
Don't give up- you deserve the best! However keep in mind that you are likely going to have to be patient and put some effort into finding the right guy for a variety of reasons. This is really common question that I get asked frequently, so I will discuss it again with some new suggestions.
You have a lot of positive things going for you,and that is part of the challenge. You have been around long enough to be particular and you probably are not willing to settle. It also sounds like you know what you want.
And you should not have to settle for less than happiness, fun and love in a new relationship! But that means it may take a while and effort to find the right guy.
Here are a few helpful tips:
Utilise all your dating resources, including possibly using a qualified match maker/ Be willing to put the necessary effort and time into finding a great relationship- it is going to take time and energy so accept this. Working every weekend is not going to get you into a great loving partnership!
Don't waste time on a guy or relationship that is obviously not a good fit just to go out on a date or to be with someone. You can't fix him or change him, so give up on it, if you can't live with it!
Prioritise what you really "must have" and what you would "like" to have in your next relationship. We all have to be "flexible" to some degree as the perfect man or woman is not out there.
Do an comprehensive and objective evaluation of how other people might perceive you. Do you display a positive attitude? Do you come across as desperate or sour and bitter?
Have you updated your appearance, do you feel and look your very best?
Do you have other interests, friends and life passions? Can you carry on a lively conversation with new people- do you do first dates well?
There are some great guys with lots of offer out there- I know- many of them are our clients! Don't lose hope and never give up- you have lots to offer but it is going to take some effort to find the right guy!
Wendy
Heart Connections
www.heartconnections.co.nz
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Finding Love Safely Online
Heart Connections encourages our clients to utilise all resources, including internet dating, in seeking love. However, we also encourage you to do it safely, and wisely!
Heart Connections can also help you create your online ad, evaluate your photos, and screen possible dating candidates.
This comprehensive screening service is becoming a very popular option, particularly for female clients. Some of our lady clients have experienced some unfortunate challenges with spammers or married men utilising online as an easy way of having numerous affairs without revealing their true marital status.
-----------------------------------------
February 11, 2010 3:06 PM PST
Find love online this Valentine's Day--safely
by Larry Magid
(Credit: CNET UK)
As we approach Valentine's Day, a lot of people are thinking about how to find that special someone. To do that, online dating services are among the first places many turn.
Online dating can be safe and sometimes effective.
But, as with many things in life, it's important to be cautious.
Based on conversations with Julie Spira and BitDefender security expert Alexandru Catalin Cosoi, there are two main things you need to watch out for: the site itself and the people you interact with.
Bogus dating sites
According to Cosoi, there are bogus dating sites that are more likely to separate you from your money or your identity than to unite you with a love interest. In a recorded interview, he warns that "not all the services are real" and urges people to be very careful about sites "that just got born yesterday and started sending e-mail messages to different users in order to join their network."
He said it's never a good idea to do business with a site you heard about through a spam message, regardless if it's "e-mail spam, Twitter spam, or Facebook spam." He also cautions people to be careful about what they say to someone they meet on a site. "If you don't give away your (credit) card detail, you think you will be safe. But also giving away your e-mail address could be a dangerous thing to do." He added, "once you start talking to somebody you met on a dating Web site, they can say 'Where were you born?...Who was your first school teacher?" and solicit information like your mother's maiden name or your pet's name that could be used to guess a password or provide security information needed to recover a password.
In a pre-Valentine's Day press release, BitDefender also advises people to "provide as little detail as possible and employ nicknames or aliases in lieu of real names. If possible, they should create and use an alternative e-mail account, ensuring the security of their personal account and work information." The company also advises users to never release sensitive private data "such as a home or work addresses, phone numbers, or Social Security numbers."
Other online Valentine's Day threats, according to BitDefender, include graffiti and other types of spam distributed via social networks, which direct to malicious Web sites, e-mail spam exploiting Valentine's Day, and e-mail attachments attempting to deliver different breeds of malware under the innocent cover of a short, funny movie.
More than just security
But there's more to online dating than just security, which is why I also spoke with Julie Spira, author of "The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online." Spira, who became an online dating expert after 250 online dates that resulted in four marriage proposals, one husband, and one fiance, says that "there is never a better time to start (online dating) than now" because a lot of people have joined sites since the beginning of the year.
She said that sites that require you to fill out long questionnaires (like eHarmony) have an advantage "because people who are single and who really want to get married and are looking for a serious relationship will take the time to fill out a long questionnaire and really put in what they're looking for and what their values are to try to find that perfect match."
Spira said to be careful about relying on a photo. Some people, she said, "take 10-20 pounds off their weight as well as 10-20 years off their age." She recommends that you also check the person's Facebook profile where you're more likely to find lots of recent photos.
Like Cosoi, Spira recommends that you avoid posting your e-mail address and your real first and last name on a dating site. "Try to come up with a screen name that describes something you like to do but doesn't really give out your identity."
I asked her about a case I know about of a friend who established an online relationship with a person he thought to be a woman in the Philippines. Everything seemed fine until she asked him to wire her money so she could buy a plane ticket to visit him in San Francisco. It could have been legitimate, but it was likely a scam. Spira says to be very careful about such overseas encounters. "If they're out of the country, you might be a target for a scam."
She said to "never talk about your financial status--whether it's good or bad or indifferent"--and to try to keep your profile short. "You don't want to really have a novel. Less is more sometimes."
Photos matter
Spira recommends that you get professional photos and that your primary photo be a headshot so that people can really see your face. "If you have a great body, you should put that in your supplemental photos," she added. But if you don't have a great body, you still have a shot at online dating, she said. "There is someone for everyone and all you should really be concerned about is representing yourself authentically." If you're being authentic, you're more likely to attract a "good-quality man or woman," she said.
She recommends you "take the relationship from online to offline as soon as possible." After a few e-mails or online exchanges, she recommends that you talk on the phone and if you're still interested, arrange a meeting in a public place. And always tell someone "who you're meeting and where you're going." She says that during her date she'll take a break and call a friend to say it's working out or, if not, she'll leave.
Heart Connections - www.heartconnections.co.nz, or heartconnectionscentre@gmail.com
Heart Connections can also help you create your online ad, evaluate your photos, and screen possible dating candidates.
This comprehensive screening service is becoming a very popular option, particularly for female clients. Some of our lady clients have experienced some unfortunate challenges with spammers or married men utilising online as an easy way of having numerous affairs without revealing their true marital status.
-----------------------------------------
February 11, 2010 3:06 PM PST
Find love online this Valentine's Day--safely
by Larry Magid
(Credit: CNET UK)
As we approach Valentine's Day, a lot of people are thinking about how to find that special someone. To do that, online dating services are among the first places many turn.
Online dating can be safe and sometimes effective.
But, as with many things in life, it's important to be cautious.
Based on conversations with Julie Spira and BitDefender security expert Alexandru Catalin Cosoi, there are two main things you need to watch out for: the site itself and the people you interact with.
Bogus dating sites
According to Cosoi, there are bogus dating sites that are more likely to separate you from your money or your identity than to unite you with a love interest. In a recorded interview, he warns that "not all the services are real" and urges people to be very careful about sites "that just got born yesterday and started sending e-mail messages to different users in order to join their network."
He said it's never a good idea to do business with a site you heard about through a spam message, regardless if it's "e-mail spam, Twitter spam, or Facebook spam." He also cautions people to be careful about what they say to someone they meet on a site. "If you don't give away your (credit) card detail, you think you will be safe. But also giving away your e-mail address could be a dangerous thing to do." He added, "once you start talking to somebody you met on a dating Web site, they can say 'Where were you born?...Who was your first school teacher?" and solicit information like your mother's maiden name or your pet's name that could be used to guess a password or provide security information needed to recover a password.
In a pre-Valentine's Day press release, BitDefender also advises people to "provide as little detail as possible and employ nicknames or aliases in lieu of real names. If possible, they should create and use an alternative e-mail account, ensuring the security of their personal account and work information." The company also advises users to never release sensitive private data "such as a home or work addresses, phone numbers, or Social Security numbers."
Other online Valentine's Day threats, according to BitDefender, include graffiti and other types of spam distributed via social networks, which direct to malicious Web sites, e-mail spam exploiting Valentine's Day, and e-mail attachments attempting to deliver different breeds of malware under the innocent cover of a short, funny movie.
More than just security
But there's more to online dating than just security, which is why I also spoke with Julie Spira, author of "The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online." Spira, who became an online dating expert after 250 online dates that resulted in four marriage proposals, one husband, and one fiance, says that "there is never a better time to start (online dating) than now" because a lot of people have joined sites since the beginning of the year.
She said that sites that require you to fill out long questionnaires (like eHarmony) have an advantage "because people who are single and who really want to get married and are looking for a serious relationship will take the time to fill out a long questionnaire and really put in what they're looking for and what their values are to try to find that perfect match."
Spira said to be careful about relying on a photo. Some people, she said, "take 10-20 pounds off their weight as well as 10-20 years off their age." She recommends that you also check the person's Facebook profile where you're more likely to find lots of recent photos.
Like Cosoi, Spira recommends that you avoid posting your e-mail address and your real first and last name on a dating site. "Try to come up with a screen name that describes something you like to do but doesn't really give out your identity."
I asked her about a case I know about of a friend who established an online relationship with a person he thought to be a woman in the Philippines. Everything seemed fine until she asked him to wire her money so she could buy a plane ticket to visit him in San Francisco. It could have been legitimate, but it was likely a scam. Spira says to be very careful about such overseas encounters. "If they're out of the country, you might be a target for a scam."
She said to "never talk about your financial status--whether it's good or bad or indifferent"--and to try to keep your profile short. "You don't want to really have a novel. Less is more sometimes."
Photos matter
Spira recommends that you get professional photos and that your primary photo be a headshot so that people can really see your face. "If you have a great body, you should put that in your supplemental photos," she added. But if you don't have a great body, you still have a shot at online dating, she said. "There is someone for everyone and all you should really be concerned about is representing yourself authentically." If you're being authentic, you're more likely to attract a "good-quality man or woman," she said.
She recommends you "take the relationship from online to offline as soon as possible." After a few e-mails or online exchanges, she recommends that you talk on the phone and if you're still interested, arrange a meeting in a public place. And always tell someone "who you're meeting and where you're going." She says that during her date she'll take a break and call a friend to say it's working out or, if not, she'll leave.
Heart Connections - www.heartconnections.co.nz, or heartconnectionscentre@gmail.com
Saturday, February 6, 2010
50 yrs+ old, wiser but still lots of fun- can I find a man?
Yes,my wise 50 year old friend-
You can find love after 50!
Attitude is a huge piece of it. If you come across as someone who with a passionate, active life and a charming, vivacious character- you will attract men! Lean how to flirt and be naturally sexy.
A positive mental attitude can make all the difference as well- with a pinch of patience thrown in. You are seeking someone special in your life and are probably far more discerning now, so give it time. You shouldn't have to settle.
Do not act desperate- men can sense this a mile away! Talk negative stuff with your friends, not a new date.
It doesn't hurt to use every physical attribute you have. A good healthy diet, and regular exercise can only help you in every way. You will look and feel healthy and great. New form wear lingerie can also do miracles in certain physical departments.
Let's face it, men are visual animals- so it is up to you to look your very best. Don't dress like you are in your 70's or in your 20's. Dress to accentuate your body type and your personality, but in a way you will feel comfortable- yet attractive.
Go to an image consultant to get an update on your wardrobe, and use the best hairdresser you can find- make a switch if you need to do- invest in yourself! Cover up the gray hair that is starting to show! Get an in style professional color and cut. Is it time to update your makeup and look? You can find good makeup artists at some of the better department stores.
And finally, meet men! If you never leave your house, your same group of close friends or co-workers, it is going to be pretty hard to meet anyone new. Get out there, talk and smile at people. Engage with the world!
I always suggest my match making clients use every resource possible- with a prudent, realistic attitude. We include these efforts in our match making plan.
Don't give up, and don't settle, but be realistic. And be persistent in making your dream happen! I have seen love happen in many interesting ways, so many times. It can happen for you. If I can help- let me know- we are working with lots of great male clients right now!
Warmly,
Wendy
Love Recruiter- Matchmaker
You can find love after 50!
Attitude is a huge piece of it. If you come across as someone who with a passionate, active life and a charming, vivacious character- you will attract men! Lean how to flirt and be naturally sexy.
A positive mental attitude can make all the difference as well- with a pinch of patience thrown in. You are seeking someone special in your life and are probably far more discerning now, so give it time. You shouldn't have to settle.
Do not act desperate- men can sense this a mile away! Talk negative stuff with your friends, not a new date.
It doesn't hurt to use every physical attribute you have. A good healthy diet, and regular exercise can only help you in every way. You will look and feel healthy and great. New form wear lingerie can also do miracles in certain physical departments.
Let's face it, men are visual animals- so it is up to you to look your very best. Don't dress like you are in your 70's or in your 20's. Dress to accentuate your body type and your personality, but in a way you will feel comfortable- yet attractive.
Go to an image consultant to get an update on your wardrobe, and use the best hairdresser you can find- make a switch if you need to do- invest in yourself! Cover up the gray hair that is starting to show! Get an in style professional color and cut. Is it time to update your makeup and look? You can find good makeup artists at some of the better department stores.
And finally, meet men! If you never leave your house, your same group of close friends or co-workers, it is going to be pretty hard to meet anyone new. Get out there, talk and smile at people. Engage with the world!
I always suggest my match making clients use every resource possible- with a prudent, realistic attitude. We include these efforts in our match making plan.
Don't give up, and don't settle, but be realistic. And be persistent in making your dream happen! I have seen love happen in many interesting ways, so many times. It can happen for you. If I can help- let me know- we are working with lots of great male clients right now!
Warmly,
Wendy
Love Recruiter- Matchmaker
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Sex Appeal and Signals- Reading Body Language
Hi, Wendy:
I have been divorced for a number of months and am fairly new back into the dating market. I have tried the bars and found that they are not my style but I am trying to actively meet a new life partner. I also am pretty clueless about how to read a single woman's body language in just about any setting- in fact, I can't always tell if she is a single woman or in a partnership if she is not wearing a ring. I don't want her to think I am a stalker- creep or something but want to convey my interest if she is available and also possibly intrigued.
Help!-
Nice, Normal Single Guy
-------------------------------------------------
Hi, Nice Normal Single Guy:
It can be challenging to tell if a woman is interested in you or not- but not certainly not impossible- we all give off subtle body cues whether we are aware of them or not. This topic also too complex to fully explain here but I can give you a few tips which might be helpful.
There are a number of books on the subject & Heart Connections offers a Sex Appeal: The Art of Flirting seminar for both single men and women. Like you, many single people have limited clues on how to read the body language signs of sexual attraction and interest.
Trust your gut instinct, but behave like a gentleman. Try to be confident without acting like a obnoxious tall poppy. Be subtle and clever, instead of laying it on with trite come on lines. Try to make her laugh!
Here are a few common positive sexual body signals of flirting: Direct, extended eye contact, the woman might play with her hair ( ie flip it back from her face), she will turn her body towards you when you talk to her rather than away, she will smile and laugh, she has a relaxed physical posture that shows she is open to the attention of strangers before you approach, she may touch you on your hand or shoulder, and point her feet in your direction when you are conversing.
If she folds her arms across her chest, turns away from you physically or uses her drink or purse to block you, it may be a sign she is not interested or available.
Good luck, Nice Normal Single Guy-
P.S. Check out one of Heart Connections fun and informative seminars on Sex Appeal- The Art of Flirting for more help in this area.
Wendy Somers
Heart Connections
www.heartconnections.co.nz
04 970 433
Wellington, New Zealand
I have been divorced for a number of months and am fairly new back into the dating market. I have tried the bars and found that they are not my style but I am trying to actively meet a new life partner. I also am pretty clueless about how to read a single woman's body language in just about any setting- in fact, I can't always tell if she is a single woman or in a partnership if she is not wearing a ring. I don't want her to think I am a stalker- creep or something but want to convey my interest if she is available and also possibly intrigued.
Help!-
Nice, Normal Single Guy
-------------------------------------------------
Hi, Nice Normal Single Guy:
It can be challenging to tell if a woman is interested in you or not- but not certainly not impossible- we all give off subtle body cues whether we are aware of them or not. This topic also too complex to fully explain here but I can give you a few tips which might be helpful.
There are a number of books on the subject & Heart Connections offers a Sex Appeal: The Art of Flirting seminar for both single men and women. Like you, many single people have limited clues on how to read the body language signs of sexual attraction and interest.
Trust your gut instinct, but behave like a gentleman. Try to be confident without acting like a obnoxious tall poppy. Be subtle and clever, instead of laying it on with trite come on lines. Try to make her laugh!
Here are a few common positive sexual body signals of flirting: Direct, extended eye contact, the woman might play with her hair ( ie flip it back from her face), she will turn her body towards you when you talk to her rather than away, she will smile and laugh, she has a relaxed physical posture that shows she is open to the attention of strangers before you approach, she may touch you on your hand or shoulder, and point her feet in your direction when you are conversing.
If she folds her arms across her chest, turns away from you physically or uses her drink or purse to block you, it may be a sign she is not interested or available.
Good luck, Nice Normal Single Guy-
P.S. Check out one of Heart Connections fun and informative seminars on Sex Appeal- The Art of Flirting for more help in this area.
Wendy Somers
Heart Connections
www.heartconnections.co.nz
04 970 433
Wellington, New Zealand
Thursday, December 3, 2009
First Date Jitters and Anxiety- 6 Success Tips
6 Success Tips for First Date Jitters and Anxiety:
You have finally set up the first date, the hour is rapidly approaching and you feel like a teenager planning for your first kiss.
1) Prepare in advance, and dress appropriately for the date. This is not the time to try out the new multi-coloured hair style, or eccentric clothes. Wear something that you know looks good on you, and is comfortable. Guys, go with clean, well pressed and classic- nice somewhat conservative shirt with a collar, holiday party type pants with a belt, polished shoes and a hair cut- shave.
2) Set your first date to occur somewhere low stress, quiet and fairly private. You don't want your boss, co-workers, and friends to be stopping by every 5 minutes to say hello. We suggest a casual coffee date, so you can limit the amount of time you spend with this new person, if things aren't working out.
3) Remember to breathe when you feel anxious, and let the other person talk. Have some interesting questions in mind to ask them- but remember this is not an interview filled with grilling, personal questions. Also ask Wendy, if she is working as your matchmaker, for a bit of coaching before your date, it can really help! Or you can go on a trial date..
4) Realise that statistically very few people actually die of stress on their first date, and that the other person is probably just as nervous as you are. You might want to admit it and laugh at yourself- it can be great at breaking the ice...
5) Try not to make snap decisions about the person, we always suggest you try a second or third date if the person seems at all interesting. It is almost impossible to determine whether it is a good fit on the first date.
6) First dates are just too nerve racking, and people have their "masks" firmly in place for you to make a clear determination about a possible match. First dates are pretty awkward for just about every single woman and single man, so know you are not alone!
Remember this is supposed to be fun! Laugh at yourself, and don't take anything in life too seriously!
Heart Connections
www.heartconnections.co.nz
04 970 1433
You have finally set up the first date, the hour is rapidly approaching and you feel like a teenager planning for your first kiss.
1) Prepare in advance, and dress appropriately for the date. This is not the time to try out the new multi-coloured hair style, or eccentric clothes. Wear something that you know looks good on you, and is comfortable. Guys, go with clean, well pressed and classic- nice somewhat conservative shirt with a collar, holiday party type pants with a belt, polished shoes and a hair cut- shave.
2) Set your first date to occur somewhere low stress, quiet and fairly private. You don't want your boss, co-workers, and friends to be stopping by every 5 minutes to say hello. We suggest a casual coffee date, so you can limit the amount of time you spend with this new person, if things aren't working out.
3) Remember to breathe when you feel anxious, and let the other person talk. Have some interesting questions in mind to ask them- but remember this is not an interview filled with grilling, personal questions. Also ask Wendy, if she is working as your matchmaker, for a bit of coaching before your date, it can really help! Or you can go on a trial date..
4) Realise that statistically very few people actually die of stress on their first date, and that the other person is probably just as nervous as you are. You might want to admit it and laugh at yourself- it can be great at breaking the ice...
5) Try not to make snap decisions about the person, we always suggest you try a second or third date if the person seems at all interesting. It is almost impossible to determine whether it is a good fit on the first date.
6) First dates are just too nerve racking, and people have their "masks" firmly in place for you to make a clear determination about a possible match. First dates are pretty awkward for just about every single woman and single man, so know you are not alone!
Remember this is supposed to be fun! Laugh at yourself, and don't take anything in life too seriously!
Heart Connections
www.heartconnections.co.nz
04 970 1433
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Safely Using Online Dating to Meet People
Hi, Wendy:
I've met a guy on an online dating site. He seems really great but there is so much out there to be worried about. I know couples who have met online and its working out well so I want to be open minded enough to give it a try but I want to know your opinions on how to do it as safely as possible. I also don't want to waste my limited time, (I work a lot of hours) meeting someone who is not who they say they are.
Help!
Dear Online Dater:
Online dating can be fun and exciting, but you don't know who you are communicating with until you meet them.. and sometimes not even after that..
Here are a few common sense things you can do to safeguard yourself:
1) Follow your gut instincts- if something feels off, then don't set the date or leave. Have a good excuse ready if you need to use it.
2) Always drive yourself or take a taxi, and don't reveal where you live, or work on the first date or even second date. You don't want to give information to someone who could become a stalker. You don't know this person, and unfortunately these things can happen.
3) Once you get to the point where you are going to communicate outside of the dating service email system, use a "throw away" email account. You can create a free email account on Yahoo!, Gmail etc. This way once you start communicating outside the system if things start to get weird, he doesn't have your real or work email address.
4) Don't be so quick to give your home or mobile phone number. Again, a problem if you hook up with someone who becomes abusive or obsessive. This may sound paranoid, but I have heard of it happening far too often.
5) Meet in a public place. You should arrive 15 minutes or more before the scheduled meeting, and make it for coffee, not a dinner.
This way he will not know what kind of car you are driving if you do drive to the date. Meet inside and leave your first name- you may not want to give your last name right away, at least until you have a chance to meet face to face. If things go well you might let him walk you to your car. If things do not go well or something feels off, do not leave with him. When you depart, make sure he drives off first. Whatever direction he goes, you leave in a different direction. This way he cannot follow you.
6) Make sure someone knows where you are and with whom, and that you carry your cell phone with you. Call or text your friend to come join you if things seem really weird.
7) Hire a service like Heart Connections to screen the people for you before you commit to a date. If they are really interested in meeting you, they will be motivated to come in for a personal interview. This is one way to make sure they are who they say they are. It screens out serious weirdos or sex predators like the guy who recently spread HIV all over New Zealand via his online dating connections. These kind of people aren't going to want to be bothered or possibly exposed. They will move onto another victim.
Good luck to you!
Kind Regards,
Wendy
I've met a guy on an online dating site. He seems really great but there is so much out there to be worried about. I know couples who have met online and its working out well so I want to be open minded enough to give it a try but I want to know your opinions on how to do it as safely as possible. I also don't want to waste my limited time, (I work a lot of hours) meeting someone who is not who they say they are.
Help!
Dear Online Dater:
Online dating can be fun and exciting, but you don't know who you are communicating with until you meet them.. and sometimes not even after that..
Here are a few common sense things you can do to safeguard yourself:
1) Follow your gut instincts- if something feels off, then don't set the date or leave. Have a good excuse ready if you need to use it.
2) Always drive yourself or take a taxi, and don't reveal where you live, or work on the first date or even second date. You don't want to give information to someone who could become a stalker. You don't know this person, and unfortunately these things can happen.
3) Once you get to the point where you are going to communicate outside of the dating service email system, use a "throw away" email account. You can create a free email account on Yahoo!, Gmail etc. This way once you start communicating outside the system if things start to get weird, he doesn't have your real or work email address.
4) Don't be so quick to give your home or mobile phone number. Again, a problem if you hook up with someone who becomes abusive or obsessive. This may sound paranoid, but I have heard of it happening far too often.
5) Meet in a public place. You should arrive 15 minutes or more before the scheduled meeting, and make it for coffee, not a dinner.
This way he will not know what kind of car you are driving if you do drive to the date. Meet inside and leave your first name- you may not want to give your last name right away, at least until you have a chance to meet face to face. If things go well you might let him walk you to your car. If things do not go well or something feels off, do not leave with him. When you depart, make sure he drives off first. Whatever direction he goes, you leave in a different direction. This way he cannot follow you.
6) Make sure someone knows where you are and with whom, and that you carry your cell phone with you. Call or text your friend to come join you if things seem really weird.
7) Hire a service like Heart Connections to screen the people for you before you commit to a date. If they are really interested in meeting you, they will be motivated to come in for a personal interview. This is one way to make sure they are who they say they are. It screens out serious weirdos or sex predators like the guy who recently spread HIV all over New Zealand via his online dating connections. These kind of people aren't going to want to be bothered or possibly exposed. They will move onto another victim.
Good luck to you!
Kind Regards,
Wendy
Monday, November 9, 2009
What are the pros/ cons of internet dating?
Hi, Wendy:
I have been using FindSomeOne and NZ Dating for a few months. I have to say I am feeling overwhelmed and disappointed with the guys I have gone out with. My male roommate is also trying to find a partner on FindSomeone. We have both experienced people who have really misrepresented themselves and/ or are married and looking for a quick affair. Is it worth using these online dating service sites? I am getting really burned out and thinking of giving up. It also is not very cheap on a monthly basis. Is it a good value for money?
"Looking for love in all the wrong places"
Dear Looking for Love:
I think the internet dating sites can be a good resource, but it is kind of like throwing out a huge net and hoping you only get the highest quality fish. You are going to attract all kinds of people- good and bad. Your online experience and frustration level is not unusual- I hear it all the time.
You don't know who you are really talking to, or who you are going to meet on the 1st date. People can represent anything they want and the stats say that 40% or more of the people online lie about really significant issues ie age, marital status etc.
I encourage my clients to consider every option and resource when they are looking for love, but also to let me screen and meet with the people they find first before setting up a date or spending much time chatting. The losers won't even bother to let themselves be screened because they know they will get caught in their lies. That seems to be the smartest way to utilise this resource and has really worked for a number of my clients.
Warmly,
Wendy Somers
Matchmaker and Love Coach
www.heartconnections.co.nz
04 970 1433
New office in Auckland opening soon!
I have been using FindSomeOne and NZ Dating for a few months. I have to say I am feeling overwhelmed and disappointed with the guys I have gone out with. My male roommate is also trying to find a partner on FindSomeone. We have both experienced people who have really misrepresented themselves and/ or are married and looking for a quick affair. Is it worth using these online dating service sites? I am getting really burned out and thinking of giving up. It also is not very cheap on a monthly basis. Is it a good value for money?
"Looking for love in all the wrong places"
Dear Looking for Love:
I think the internet dating sites can be a good resource, but it is kind of like throwing out a huge net and hoping you only get the highest quality fish. You are going to attract all kinds of people- good and bad. Your online experience and frustration level is not unusual- I hear it all the time.
You don't know who you are really talking to, or who you are going to meet on the 1st date. People can represent anything they want and the stats say that 40% or more of the people online lie about really significant issues ie age, marital status etc.
I encourage my clients to consider every option and resource when they are looking for love, but also to let me screen and meet with the people they find first before setting up a date or spending much time chatting. The losers won't even bother to let themselves be screened because they know they will get caught in their lies. That seems to be the smartest way to utilise this resource and has really worked for a number of my clients.
Warmly,
Wendy Somers
Matchmaker and Love Coach
www.heartconnections.co.nz
04 970 1433
New office in Auckland opening soon!
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