Dear Wendy:
I have been divorced for 2 years and am finding it really frustrating to get back into the dating world. Are there no decent, intelligent and honest men out there in New Zealand? I have a great job, keep myself fit, am intelligent and am considered attractive. I worked on myself and am pretty clear on what I looking for in my next partner. Am I just to late to get back into the dating world? Am I being too particular? I am not finding anyone who I would even consider for a second date!
Regards,
Still Passionate at 47!
Hi, Katherine:
Don't give up- you deserve the best! However keep in mind that you are likely going to have to be patient and put some effort into finding the right guy for a variety of reasons. This is really common question that I get asked frequently, so I will discuss it again with some new suggestions.
You have a lot of positive things going for you,and that is part of the challenge. You have been around long enough to be particular and you probably are not willing to settle. It also sounds like you know what you want.
And you should not have to settle for less than happiness, fun and love in a new relationship! But that means it may take a while and effort to find the right guy.
Here are a few helpful tips:
Utilise all your dating resources, including possibly using a qualified match maker/ Be willing to put the necessary effort and time into finding a great relationship- it is going to take time and energy so accept this. Working every weekend is not going to get you into a great loving partnership!
Don't waste time on a guy or relationship that is obviously not a good fit just to go out on a date or to be with someone. You can't fix him or change him, so give up on it, if you can't live with it!
Prioritise what you really "must have" and what you would "like" to have in your next relationship. We all have to be "flexible" to some degree as the perfect man or woman is not out there.
Do an comprehensive and objective evaluation of how other people might perceive you. Do you display a positive attitude? Do you come across as desperate or sour and bitter?
Have you updated your appearance, do you feel and look your very best?
Do you have other interests, friends and life passions? Can you carry on a lively conversation with new people- do you do first dates well?
There are some great guys with lots of offer out there- I know- many of them are our clients! Don't lose hope and never give up- you have lots to offer but it is going to take some effort to find the right guy!
Wendy
Heart Connections
www.heartconnections.co.nz
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Finding Love Safely Online
Heart Connections encourages our clients to utilise all resources, including internet dating, in seeking love. However, we also encourage you to do it safely, and wisely!
Heart Connections can also help you create your online ad, evaluate your photos, and screen possible dating candidates.
This comprehensive screening service is becoming a very popular option, particularly for female clients. Some of our lady clients have experienced some unfortunate challenges with spammers or married men utilising online as an easy way of having numerous affairs without revealing their true marital status.
-----------------------------------------
February 11, 2010 3:06 PM PST
Find love online this Valentine's Day--safely
by Larry Magid
(Credit: CNET UK)
As we approach Valentine's Day, a lot of people are thinking about how to find that special someone. To do that, online dating services are among the first places many turn.
Online dating can be safe and sometimes effective.
But, as with many things in life, it's important to be cautious.
Based on conversations with Julie Spira and BitDefender security expert Alexandru Catalin Cosoi, there are two main things you need to watch out for: the site itself and the people you interact with.
Bogus dating sites
According to Cosoi, there are bogus dating sites that are more likely to separate you from your money or your identity than to unite you with a love interest. In a recorded interview, he warns that "not all the services are real" and urges people to be very careful about sites "that just got born yesterday and started sending e-mail messages to different users in order to join their network."
He said it's never a good idea to do business with a site you heard about through a spam message, regardless if it's "e-mail spam, Twitter spam, or Facebook spam." He also cautions people to be careful about what they say to someone they meet on a site. "If you don't give away your (credit) card detail, you think you will be safe. But also giving away your e-mail address could be a dangerous thing to do." He added, "once you start talking to somebody you met on a dating Web site, they can say 'Where were you born?...Who was your first school teacher?" and solicit information like your mother's maiden name or your pet's name that could be used to guess a password or provide security information needed to recover a password.
In a pre-Valentine's Day press release, BitDefender also advises people to "provide as little detail as possible and employ nicknames or aliases in lieu of real names. If possible, they should create and use an alternative e-mail account, ensuring the security of their personal account and work information." The company also advises users to never release sensitive private data "such as a home or work addresses, phone numbers, or Social Security numbers."
Other online Valentine's Day threats, according to BitDefender, include graffiti and other types of spam distributed via social networks, which direct to malicious Web sites, e-mail spam exploiting Valentine's Day, and e-mail attachments attempting to deliver different breeds of malware under the innocent cover of a short, funny movie.
More than just security
But there's more to online dating than just security, which is why I also spoke with Julie Spira, author of "The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online." Spira, who became an online dating expert after 250 online dates that resulted in four marriage proposals, one husband, and one fiance, says that "there is never a better time to start (online dating) than now" because a lot of people have joined sites since the beginning of the year.
She said that sites that require you to fill out long questionnaires (like eHarmony) have an advantage "because people who are single and who really want to get married and are looking for a serious relationship will take the time to fill out a long questionnaire and really put in what they're looking for and what their values are to try to find that perfect match."
Spira said to be careful about relying on a photo. Some people, she said, "take 10-20 pounds off their weight as well as 10-20 years off their age." She recommends that you also check the person's Facebook profile where you're more likely to find lots of recent photos.
Like Cosoi, Spira recommends that you avoid posting your e-mail address and your real first and last name on a dating site. "Try to come up with a screen name that describes something you like to do but doesn't really give out your identity."
I asked her about a case I know about of a friend who established an online relationship with a person he thought to be a woman in the Philippines. Everything seemed fine until she asked him to wire her money so she could buy a plane ticket to visit him in San Francisco. It could have been legitimate, but it was likely a scam. Spira says to be very careful about such overseas encounters. "If they're out of the country, you might be a target for a scam."
She said to "never talk about your financial status--whether it's good or bad or indifferent"--and to try to keep your profile short. "You don't want to really have a novel. Less is more sometimes."
Photos matter
Spira recommends that you get professional photos and that your primary photo be a headshot so that people can really see your face. "If you have a great body, you should put that in your supplemental photos," she added. But if you don't have a great body, you still have a shot at online dating, she said. "There is someone for everyone and all you should really be concerned about is representing yourself authentically." If you're being authentic, you're more likely to attract a "good-quality man or woman," she said.
She recommends you "take the relationship from online to offline as soon as possible." After a few e-mails or online exchanges, she recommends that you talk on the phone and if you're still interested, arrange a meeting in a public place. And always tell someone "who you're meeting and where you're going." She says that during her date she'll take a break and call a friend to say it's working out or, if not, she'll leave.
Heart Connections - www.heartconnections.co.nz, or heartconnectionscentre@gmail.com
Heart Connections can also help you create your online ad, evaluate your photos, and screen possible dating candidates.
This comprehensive screening service is becoming a very popular option, particularly for female clients. Some of our lady clients have experienced some unfortunate challenges with spammers or married men utilising online as an easy way of having numerous affairs without revealing their true marital status.
-----------------------------------------
February 11, 2010 3:06 PM PST
Find love online this Valentine's Day--safely
by Larry Magid
(Credit: CNET UK)
As we approach Valentine's Day, a lot of people are thinking about how to find that special someone. To do that, online dating services are among the first places many turn.
Online dating can be safe and sometimes effective.
But, as with many things in life, it's important to be cautious.
Based on conversations with Julie Spira and BitDefender security expert Alexandru Catalin Cosoi, there are two main things you need to watch out for: the site itself and the people you interact with.
Bogus dating sites
According to Cosoi, there are bogus dating sites that are more likely to separate you from your money or your identity than to unite you with a love interest. In a recorded interview, he warns that "not all the services are real" and urges people to be very careful about sites "that just got born yesterday and started sending e-mail messages to different users in order to join their network."
He said it's never a good idea to do business with a site you heard about through a spam message, regardless if it's "e-mail spam, Twitter spam, or Facebook spam." He also cautions people to be careful about what they say to someone they meet on a site. "If you don't give away your (credit) card detail, you think you will be safe. But also giving away your e-mail address could be a dangerous thing to do." He added, "once you start talking to somebody you met on a dating Web site, they can say 'Where were you born?...Who was your first school teacher?" and solicit information like your mother's maiden name or your pet's name that could be used to guess a password or provide security information needed to recover a password.
In a pre-Valentine's Day press release, BitDefender also advises people to "provide as little detail as possible and employ nicknames or aliases in lieu of real names. If possible, they should create and use an alternative e-mail account, ensuring the security of their personal account and work information." The company also advises users to never release sensitive private data "such as a home or work addresses, phone numbers, or Social Security numbers."
Other online Valentine's Day threats, according to BitDefender, include graffiti and other types of spam distributed via social networks, which direct to malicious Web sites, e-mail spam exploiting Valentine's Day, and e-mail attachments attempting to deliver different breeds of malware under the innocent cover of a short, funny movie.
More than just security
But there's more to online dating than just security, which is why I also spoke with Julie Spira, author of "The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online." Spira, who became an online dating expert after 250 online dates that resulted in four marriage proposals, one husband, and one fiance, says that "there is never a better time to start (online dating) than now" because a lot of people have joined sites since the beginning of the year.
She said that sites that require you to fill out long questionnaires (like eHarmony) have an advantage "because people who are single and who really want to get married and are looking for a serious relationship will take the time to fill out a long questionnaire and really put in what they're looking for and what their values are to try to find that perfect match."
Spira said to be careful about relying on a photo. Some people, she said, "take 10-20 pounds off their weight as well as 10-20 years off their age." She recommends that you also check the person's Facebook profile where you're more likely to find lots of recent photos.
Like Cosoi, Spira recommends that you avoid posting your e-mail address and your real first and last name on a dating site. "Try to come up with a screen name that describes something you like to do but doesn't really give out your identity."
I asked her about a case I know about of a friend who established an online relationship with a person he thought to be a woman in the Philippines. Everything seemed fine until she asked him to wire her money so she could buy a plane ticket to visit him in San Francisco. It could have been legitimate, but it was likely a scam. Spira says to be very careful about such overseas encounters. "If they're out of the country, you might be a target for a scam."
She said to "never talk about your financial status--whether it's good or bad or indifferent"--and to try to keep your profile short. "You don't want to really have a novel. Less is more sometimes."
Photos matter
Spira recommends that you get professional photos and that your primary photo be a headshot so that people can really see your face. "If you have a great body, you should put that in your supplemental photos," she added. But if you don't have a great body, you still have a shot at online dating, she said. "There is someone for everyone and all you should really be concerned about is representing yourself authentically." If you're being authentic, you're more likely to attract a "good-quality man or woman," she said.
She recommends you "take the relationship from online to offline as soon as possible." After a few e-mails or online exchanges, she recommends that you talk on the phone and if you're still interested, arrange a meeting in a public place. And always tell someone "who you're meeting and where you're going." She says that during her date she'll take a break and call a friend to say it's working out or, if not, she'll leave.
Heart Connections - www.heartconnections.co.nz, or heartconnectionscentre@gmail.com
Saturday, February 6, 2010
50 yrs+ old, wiser but still lots of fun- can I find a man?
Yes,my wise 50 year old friend-
You can find love after 50!
Attitude is a huge piece of it. If you come across as someone who with a passionate, active life and a charming, vivacious character- you will attract men! Lean how to flirt and be naturally sexy.
A positive mental attitude can make all the difference as well- with a pinch of patience thrown in. You are seeking someone special in your life and are probably far more discerning now, so give it time. You shouldn't have to settle.
Do not act desperate- men can sense this a mile away! Talk negative stuff with your friends, not a new date.
It doesn't hurt to use every physical attribute you have. A good healthy diet, and regular exercise can only help you in every way. You will look and feel healthy and great. New form wear lingerie can also do miracles in certain physical departments.
Let's face it, men are visual animals- so it is up to you to look your very best. Don't dress like you are in your 70's or in your 20's. Dress to accentuate your body type and your personality, but in a way you will feel comfortable- yet attractive.
Go to an image consultant to get an update on your wardrobe, and use the best hairdresser you can find- make a switch if you need to do- invest in yourself! Cover up the gray hair that is starting to show! Get an in style professional color and cut. Is it time to update your makeup and look? You can find good makeup artists at some of the better department stores.
And finally, meet men! If you never leave your house, your same group of close friends or co-workers, it is going to be pretty hard to meet anyone new. Get out there, talk and smile at people. Engage with the world!
I always suggest my match making clients use every resource possible- with a prudent, realistic attitude. We include these efforts in our match making plan.
Don't give up, and don't settle, but be realistic. And be persistent in making your dream happen! I have seen love happen in many interesting ways, so many times. It can happen for you. If I can help- let me know- we are working with lots of great male clients right now!
Warmly,
Wendy
Love Recruiter- Matchmaker
You can find love after 50!
Attitude is a huge piece of it. If you come across as someone who with a passionate, active life and a charming, vivacious character- you will attract men! Lean how to flirt and be naturally sexy.
A positive mental attitude can make all the difference as well- with a pinch of patience thrown in. You are seeking someone special in your life and are probably far more discerning now, so give it time. You shouldn't have to settle.
Do not act desperate- men can sense this a mile away! Talk negative stuff with your friends, not a new date.
It doesn't hurt to use every physical attribute you have. A good healthy diet, and regular exercise can only help you in every way. You will look and feel healthy and great. New form wear lingerie can also do miracles in certain physical departments.
Let's face it, men are visual animals- so it is up to you to look your very best. Don't dress like you are in your 70's or in your 20's. Dress to accentuate your body type and your personality, but in a way you will feel comfortable- yet attractive.
Go to an image consultant to get an update on your wardrobe, and use the best hairdresser you can find- make a switch if you need to do- invest in yourself! Cover up the gray hair that is starting to show! Get an in style professional color and cut. Is it time to update your makeup and look? You can find good makeup artists at some of the better department stores.
And finally, meet men! If you never leave your house, your same group of close friends or co-workers, it is going to be pretty hard to meet anyone new. Get out there, talk and smile at people. Engage with the world!
I always suggest my match making clients use every resource possible- with a prudent, realistic attitude. We include these efforts in our match making plan.
Don't give up, and don't settle, but be realistic. And be persistent in making your dream happen! I have seen love happen in many interesting ways, so many times. It can happen for you. If I can help- let me know- we are working with lots of great male clients right now!
Warmly,
Wendy
Love Recruiter- Matchmaker
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