Safely Using Online Dating to Meet People

Hi, Wendy:

I've met a guy on an online dating site. He seems really great but there is so much out there to be worried about. I know couples who have met online and its working out well so I want to be open minded enough to give it a try but I want to know your opinions on how to do it as safely as possible. I also don't want to waste my limited time, (I work a lot of hours) meeting someone who is not who they say they are.

Help!

Dear Online Dater:

Online dating can be fun and exciting, but you don't know who you are communicating with until you meet them.. and sometimes not even after that..

Here are a few common sense things you can do to safeguard yourself:

1) Follow your gut instincts- if something feels off, then don't set the date or leave. Have a good excuse ready if you need to use it.

2) Always drive yourself or take a taxi, and don't reveal where you live, or work on the first date or even second date. You don't want to give information to someone who could become a stalker. You don't know this person, and unfortunately these things can happen.

3) Once you get to the point where you are going to communicate outside of the dating service email system, use a "throw away" email account. You can create a free email account on Yahoo!, Gmail etc. This way once you start communicating outside the system if things start to get weird, he doesn't have your real or work email address.

4) Don't be so quick to give your home or mobile phone number. Again, a problem if you hook up with someone who becomes abusive or obsessive. This may sound paranoid, but I have heard of it happening far too often.

5) Meet in a public place. You should arrive 15 minutes or more before the scheduled meeting, and make it for coffee, not a dinner.

This way he will not know what kind of car you are driving if you do drive to the date. Meet inside and leave your first name- you may not want to give your last name right away, at least until you have a chance to meet face to face. If things go well you might let him walk you to your car. If things do not go well or something feels off, do not leave with him. When you depart, make sure he drives off first. Whatever direction he goes, you leave in a different direction. This way he cannot follow you.

6) Make sure someone knows where you are and with whom, and that you carry your cell phone with you. Call or text your friend to come join you if things seem really weird.

7) Hire a service like Heart Connections to screen the people for you before you commit to a date. If they are really interested in meeting you, they will be motivated to come in for a personal interview. This is one way to make sure they are who they say they are. It screens out serious weirdos or sex predators like the guy who recently spread HIV all over New Zealand via his online dating connections. These kind of people aren't going to want to be bothered or possibly exposed. They will move onto another victim.

Good luck to you!

Kind Regards,

Wendy